I am Kriti (name changed), 23 years old and an explorer by nature! Recently, I was at a point where I was feeling low and disturbed. I was feeling stuck in a situation and was clueless as to how to get out of that. I had heard from people that one should seek therapy in such situations. At first, I wondered how would the therapy help me. Will they give me any advice? Will they call me crazy? Will they judge me? How can someone understand my situation in just a few minutes? Will they tell me the dos and don’ts of behaving in a specific situation?
I thought therapy will end on a feel-good note, as I had seen it in an Instagram reel. I assumed I will feel happy and fresh after the therapy session. A few of my friends told me that it might feel like the weight has been lifted, resulting in me feeling fresh after the session.
My perception of therapists was that they are mind readers, they can understand what you’re thinking by just looking at you. I thought therapists know what is the ultimate right or wrong. They tell you whether what you did was a sin or a deed.
They tell you the correct answers to every possible situation or problem. I was under the impression that therapists give you some solutions and tell you what the right decision is. It felt like all my problems would vanish automatically. I thought once I take therapy, I won’t face the same difficulties again. The therapist will suggest to me an ideal decision that will not cause any negative effects or consequences. I was also expecting that my pain and concerns will go away after the therapy session.
Keeping all this in mind, I went ahead and visited a therapist. With every passing minute, all my preconceived ideas crashed down. Therapy started to look like a reality check. I was reexperiencing the traumatic memories and revisiting the unpleasant events. I was feeling rather bitter, uncomfortable, and heavy. The therapist walked me through my personal behavior patterns, trigger points, and gave some insight into my beliefs. This revelation was far from feeling fresh. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions; I was angry, I was hurt, and I felt heartbroken and even guilty at a point. My therapist didn’t give me any validation I was seeking, but rather encouraged me to discover the answer independently. She didn’t give any readymade solution/answer. This process was rather difficult and really confusing. I started doubting my thought process and my beliefs. I also felt embarrassed and ashamed at some point.
But then I realized all those factors were necessary for healing. My therapist made me aware of my desires, needs, and thoughts, and it truly gave me an insight into my life. I realized our situation does not improve magically. We have to actively take efforts, both mentally and emotionally in order to achieve emotional independence and healing. The end of therapy is focused on making us independent and emotionally well-equipped to deal with a variety of issues or difficulties without seeking therapy every time we face any difficulty. The therapist guides us/ helps us to discover answers on our own. They take us through that journey with their expertise and understanding of human nature /psyche.
For me, therapy was a journey toward exploring the self. It was an eye-opener for me. It was not exactly what I expected it to be, but it was definitely worth it!